If I were a whore…

May 15, 2008 at 8:28 pm 7 comments

CURRICULUM VITAE

PERSONAL DETAILS:

NAME: SilkyLurve
BIRTH PLACE: Mom’s vajayjay, South African
SKIN: White as snow
DEPENDANTS: None, can’t afford ‘em anyway
EDUCATION: I got some

SOCIAL HABITS: Clubbing, sexing on corner streets, cybering Greek men.

MOBILE NUMBER: For personal use only, costs 10 bucks a moan

MOTIVATION:

I need a job man. I gots to feed myself and pay my way with my flat mate. She got a kid. I wanna buy her stuff. I also need to pay Luigi, my gentleman friend for services rendered.

I have experience in various different fields and positions. Make of that what you will. I am anxious to start a new chapter of my life that will benefit not only me, but my future employers too.

WORK EXPERIENCE:

Feb 2007 – CURRENT: I whored on Point Road, Durban

Position: Varied from client to client
Reference: IcePick, mah pimp.
Telephone no: Just look for the dude with an Afro and gold bling in his teeth.
Duties:

Stock control:
• Stock take of condoms
• Pricing of various orifice use
• Coding each list of dirty chat retorts
Sales:
• Marketing myself using various tools of clothing
• Client relations and oral stimulation
• Invoicing – verbally
• Receipting – verbally
• After Sales Service, fully inclusive of wet wipes and dental floss
General:
• Correspondence on behalf of IcePick
• Petty Cash Control, utilizing brassiere
• Cashing up daily – handing money over to IcePick before he knocks me head in (again)
• (sperm) Banking
• Daily report backs to IcePickof positions, clients, IOU’s and condom use
• Monthly analysis reports to the board of commerce and fellatio

This was one of those jobs where you fit in where it is needed and improvise where no fitting is possible. Other duties I performed for IcePick in my employ were average secretarial duties such as dictation (of valentines cards to the other whores), diary management, screening calls to the crack dealers, arranging appointments, organizing functions via email and fu(c)x. Conference calls (aka Gangbangs) along with travel arrangements internationally and locally.

OTHER ACHIEVEMENTS:

2002: How to apply stage make up 101
Skanks Finishing School of Finesse

2004: Street Hooker Clothing Design
Focusing on fabrics, patterns and sewing method

OTHER POSITIVE ABILITIES:

1. Snatch Awards 2006 for best performance in Fellatio.
2. School of Flexibility Diploma 2005
3. Barnyard Love International Dedication Certificate 2004

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7 Comments Add your own

  • 1. cathjenkin  |  May 15, 2008 at 8:34 pm

    WAHHAAHAH

    Reply
  • 2. angel  |  May 16, 2008 at 5:48 am

    shocking!
    simply shocking!
    i’m speechless…

    only 10 bux a moan!!!

    Reply
  • 3. MsBehavn  |  May 16, 2008 at 7:55 am

    Do they still call it head-hunting if you’ve got this kind of CV? Just wondering …

    Reply
  • 4. Stef  |  May 16, 2008 at 10:52 am

    that was brilliant!!…mwhahahahhaa you would be a great brothel hostess… i think you should ask around 🙂

    stick it out with your job man, it will get better, that perfect job DOES NOT EXIST!!!!

    have a good weekend sweety!!!!

    Reply
  • 5. upset waitress  |  May 16, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    I have a deep respect for the working girls/guys. You know how hard it is to fuck an ugly person? Or a midget without legs?

    Reply
  • 6. Ashleigh  |  May 16, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    You so funny!! I think I pee’d in my pants!!!!

    Reply
  • 7. shebee  |  May 16, 2008 at 5:55 pm

    Awwww guys! I knew I could rely on my trusty old faithfuls to laugh at this and not accuse me of having no class.

    Have a good weekend everyone 🙂

    Reply

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