My mom, the analton.

May 21, 2008 at 8:25 pm 12 comments

If geneality has anything to do with anything, I am doomed to become one neurotic woman. My mom is one of those moms that would be useless in an emergency. Actually, scrap that, not ‘would be’ – she IS useless in an emergency situation.

I remember years ago late one night Kiera started choking. I was holding her semi-upside down, Kev was rubbing her back, and my mom… well my mom was not helping. She ran from me to the bathroom to the bedroom to me to the lounge to the passage with her arms flailing behind her. Eventually Kev and I locked the bedroom door and quietly tried to fix Kiera while my mother not so quietly tried to get a grip. Incidentally, she never did. Kiera was fast asleep by the time she had even thought of taking a breath.

Spice was the family hamster. He lived in a cage on the kitchen table and lived off cheese and anything else my brothers would throw into his hole. He lived two years longer than his life expectancy, my mom swears its because the wine she fleetingly gave him preserved his organs. Spice eventually got that disease that is so common in hamsters (apparently), cancer in the head.

Brother Darryn begged her to give Spice to him to feed to his snake, as they were starving, but Mom refused and did what only she would naturally do, she took him to the vet to get euthanised. Picture her at the Vet’s surgery table, sobbing into a little ball of fluff and the Vet trying to push his way closer to the Hamster in order to do his job.

At work one day, a dude walked into my Mothers office with a fallen nest containing two little Indian Miner Birds with hardly any feathers. Any sane person would have gotten rid of the things as it was clear they were not going to make it through this life easily. Not my mother. She rushed to the Pet shop, bought all necessary things required for saving birds lives.

I got home that night to see them in a little box, under a UV light, sqauking to their hearts content. On the hour, every hour Mom would get out of bed, mix them up some cereal and feed it to them lovingly. One bird didn’t make it through the night, the other bird grew up to be Moodley, the Indian Miner.

Moodley was an insane little fucker. She attacked every single one of us if we so much as breathed too loudly. I especially remember her being particularly unfond of me. She would flap her wings and dive, beak first, into my skull. My brothers would only sit in the lounge if they had gloves, goggles, beanies and blankets on in order to protect themselves. Moodley was left outside too long one day and developed “bronchitis”. The mother had the vet ventilate the bird. See how anal she is?

Now please just imagine the phone calls I get almost daily telling me to lock my car door, drive with the seat belt on, unplug the kettle, lock the balcony door, don’t give anyone my physical address… you name it, I’ve been warned already.  Being independant and away from home is challenging with a mother like mine.  But I do love her, I think I’ll keep her.

(Yes, you caught me out, this is an edited post from my archives, what – you wanna be called anal too?)

Advertisements

Entry filed under: family.

I would just like to say: Bridget Jones has nothing on me

12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. cath  |  May 22, 2008 at 5:42 am

    waaaaaaaaaah oh and im not anal? have you met me and my tendencies? wah.

    love you. love your mom.

    Reply
  • 2. Amy  |  May 22, 2008 at 7:47 am

    I thought this post seemed a little familiar but hey – if you love yuo’re mumma, then why not post it over and over?

    My mums neurotic too by the way – not about animals, just about everything else…

    Reply
  • 3. shebee  |  May 22, 2008 at 7:51 am

    Hello Tendancies. Now you know where I get my fridge action from, dude.

    Amy – hehehe yeah it goes back to the days where you and Rob where just about my only readers! Ha. Hey, MC was online the other day. Didn’t talk to me though. 😦

    Reply
  • 4. cathjenkin  |  May 22, 2008 at 8:22 am

    fridge action slays me!

    Reply
  • 5. Stef  |  May 22, 2008 at 8:52 am

    she sounds just… adorable 🙂 good call to keep her! and you forgot to say she makes yummy pancakes!

    Reply
  • 6. Bridget  |  May 22, 2008 at 10:46 am

    And I thought the Dingbat was bad!

    Reply
  • 7. Amy  |  May 22, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    Well poo to that, and poo to him too. You gotta stay loyal to your blog buddies…

    Reply
  • 8. Glugster  |  May 22, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    Amy said poo! 🙂

    Reply
  • 9. bitchychick  |  May 22, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    teehee… my mom isn’t that bad luckily- but i make up for it in a lot of ways with damien!

    Reply
  • 10. angelthemom  |  May 22, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    i am also fairly anal- to make up for where my mom isn’t!!

    Reply
  • 11. shebee  |  May 22, 2008 at 11:21 pm

    All this anal talk reminds me that I need to contact my gay friend Leon…

    Reply
  • 12. Amy  |  May 23, 2008 at 4:17 am

    Of course i said poo – its an all round fantastically useful word… plus, isnt this whole post related to anal 😉 ?

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Feeds

Just South Africa – Photo contest

Are you a photographer? Do you think you could stand a chance of winning? Why not try your luck, you've nothing to lose! I've been asked to be one of 5 judges in Just South Africa's photography contest. I hope to see your entries there!

Sadly, I've been told money, chocolates and free internet are not allowed to affect my judging unbiased opinion. You could try anyway though... Kidding. Relax.

Be part of the SheBee FB fan page

Brick of the moment:

Please applaud:

Mark from YellowLlama who is responsible for the design of my awesome new logo, which will soon be used in a much more flattering light, on a new work-in-progress page.

Huh? What page? There is no page, nevermind. You read nothing!

Thanks again Mark :)

Win a dodgy fruit basket! [Brick of the moment]

6000 | August 28, 2008 at 12:08 pm Peel A Keys is going to struggle to score with lines like that.

Recent wall talks

RSS Blog choice of the week – I am Janel


springleap

Trigger happy?

Are you a photographer? Do you think you could stand a chance of winning? Why not try your luck, you've nothing to lose! I've been asked to be one of 5 judges in Just South Africa's photography contest. I hope to see your entries there!

Sadly, I've been told money, chocolates and free internet are not allowed to affect my judging unbiased opinion. You could try anyway though... Kidding. Relax.


%d bloggers like this: