Back by popular demand

May 31, 2008 at 5:43 pm 8 comments

I left you all with a cliff hanger post last week. Thank you for the feedback, wow. I had no idea my love life history was so interesting to you guys… Here’s the end of the original story:


Jaun had proposed to me. He didn’t have a ring, but he was as serious as cancer. Me? I freaked out properly. Marriage wasn’t on my cards, it never had been. Up until this point I had never even wanted to get married. No one had ever made me feel like I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them, until now.

The problem was, I hated where he lived. I loved living on the coast too much. He loved the coast too, but would never be able to match the salary he was earning up there, down here. I refused to move to where he was. Too much crime, too much traffic, too much noise, and his mom was there. I hated her almost as much as she hated me. It just wasn’t possible for me to even consider moving there.

Let me tell you about one weekend with her:

After much nagging on his part, we spent one weekend at his moms place. He had decided that since it had been nearly a year, and he had met my entire family, it was only fair I met his. We had both been putting this off for various reasons. From what I had heard, his mom stood for everything I did not believe in:

  • I was English, she was Afrikaans. To her, this seemed like a cardinal sin.
  • she was a house wife, had never worked a day in her life. I had been self sufficient since I was 14 and plan to never be a kept woman.
  • I had a baby at 18, enough said.
  • When they had get togethers, the women were only allowed in the kitchen while the men took over the house. That weekend I sat outside drinking with the men.
  • The minute I walked into the house, she said to Jaun in Afrikaans ‘I refuse to speak English. If she wants to be here, she can speak Afrikaans’ I understood every word, and replied to her in broken Afrikaans as sweetly as possible trying to disguise my disdain, that I would be happy to speak her language, provided she allow me to draw her pictures if I didn’t know the right words.

I was informed that ‘decent’ girls didn’t stay out of home until they got married, and she even asked me where Jaun slept when he stayed at my place. I wasn’t prepared to lie so I told her he stayed in my bed, with me. (Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Witch) She was horrified and turned around to Jaun and reprimanded him by saying that she hoped to god he used those condom things as she didn’t want a bastard from that engelse meisie (english girl).

As you can imagine, I couldn’t wait to leave and was so disappointed that a precious weekend with Jaun was spent trying to assure his Mother I wasn’t spawn from Satan. I don’t think it worked, to this day Jaun says she shudders when he talks about me. She would have been a MonsterInLaw. I would have never been part of their family, as much as Jaun thought it was possible.

The bottom line was that I knew in the long run things would go badly. We couldn’t have a long distant relationship if we were going to be married, jobwise nothing would have changed, and I felt that things were getting harder daily. And so I turned down his proposal and the next day, in our last moments of the holiday, we both cried as we said goodbye for the last time.

For a while we still called eachother every day, and SMSed constantly, but eventually we decided it was too painful and broke off all contact. One night I went out with mates and hooked up with a randome oke. The next morning I called Jaun to tell him how crap I felt about the dude not being him. We laughed about how terrible the situation was and fantasized about what our life could have been like if things had been different. A week later he phoned me to tell me how badly one girl he’d kissed slobbered all over him. She slobbered all over him, the stupid woman. Eventually we slipped into a comfortable routine of calling eachother when it felt right. Every call ended of with “I love you and miss you so much, but oh well”.

We both understood that it was easier to miss each other together than seperately. Three years down the line, things are the same. I have met others, but none like him. I’ve been in love, but not like it was with him.

Jaun has moved in with a lovely girl by the name of Jacqui. Speaking to her on the phone is always weird but pleasant enough, often I chat to Jacqui if he can’t answer straight away. Its a bittersweet situation, but at least it isn’t an ending. I still love him dearly, but he is happy, and that is all I could have asked for. I will find my Someone, eventually, when the time suits both of us.

The saying is true, ‘if you love someone, set them free. If they come back, its meant to be’. Jaun did come back to me, just in a different way, and you know what? Thats okay.


Entry filed under: does he exsist?, The Perfect Man.

A poem on my body fluids This weekend deserves a prize

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Amy  |  May 31, 2008 at 11:06 pm

    See – i knew the ending wasnt exactly happily ever after! But like you said, at least he’s still in your life in some capacity. It would have been much harder having to let him go forever….

  • 2. Stef  |  June 2, 2008 at 9:33 am

    sheebs… wow… you stupid woman, why didn’t you move to jozie?!!!! you could have ignored the stupid MIL and you would have gotten used to the traffic and the crime 😉
    the things that happen to you… i swear is like something straight out of a mills and boon!
    sweet post 🙂

  • 3. Tamara  |  June 2, 2008 at 11:53 am

    Eish. You’re brave and strong and crazy and wise.

  • 4. angelthemom  |  June 3, 2008 at 5:10 pm

    i don’t have me a someone like that. i just get too pissed off and fed up and there’s too much history.
    i find it impossible to keep contact with exes, and i’m just lucky i don’t have to see damien’s father at all.

  • 5. leez  |  June 5, 2008 at 11:34 am

    thtas just sad. no other way to describe it. I had hope… Maybe you can get Juan to write his own version of what happened.

  • 6. shebee  |  June 5, 2008 at 11:38 am

    Thanks Leez.

    Jaun is one step short of illiterate, unfortunately. There’d be a lot of ‘wiffs’ and ‘one, two, free’s’


  • 7. Ashleigh (I have great boobs!)  |  June 5, 2008 at 11:54 am

    You are awesome! Any guy to get you would be one lucky SOB!!

  • 8. shebee  |  June 5, 2008 at 12:05 pm

    Ash, thank you my angel 🙂

    yes, you do have great boobs.


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