Millicent The Grape

July 24, 2008 at 6:13 am 31 comments

So, I had this conversation last night with a mate, who shall not be named due to me being threatened with eviction*, that left me speechless and in fear of my future pregnancies.

 

You see, when a woman falls pregnant one of the possible symptoms is developing piles, otherwise termed Hemorrhoids.  After much nagging and whining for further elaboration of same such disgusting disease, a glazed look from me in response to her that persons explanation, we resorted to drawing diagrams, as we do in our home** on frequent occasions.

 

A pen and paper was whipped out and the diagrams began.  First drawn was a puckered anus, as they can be found, followed by a grape looking scribble in between the wrinkles.  Of course by this stage I had already whipped out my camera and snapped this hysterical moment to be captured for life times to come. 

 

I’m curious to see what its like, not ever having experienced this myself.  It’s all very interesting and entertaining.  In experiencing this first hand, my friend has even named the grape ‘Millicent’.  “Dude, please can I see up your naught?” I ask her this person.  “Not, hey” was the answer. 

 

Anyway, the moral of the story is that if you ever find yourself suffering from an unwelcome anal visitor named Millicent, you should never have sex.  Because, damn, the dude getting lucky with you will run ten thousand miles, I would imagine.

 

 

* Did you get that?  It was a hint.  Eviction = residential rights with her this person. One guess who threatened me to not name her that person.

 

** That was another hint [Dummy].

 

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Ryk Neethling, baby. All I wanted for my bday was my two front teeth…

31 Comments Add your own

  • 1. kyknoord  |  July 24, 2008 at 6:37 am

    Is it just me, or is this a case of over-share? Please promise that this isn’t going to become the first in a series: “Ja, so I was having this conversation with a mate about urinary tract infections…”

    Reply
  • 2. shebee  |  July 24, 2008 at 6:42 am

    Kyk, if this is the first overshare you’ve read of mine, you aren’t here regularily enough…

    Reply
  • 3. cathjenkin  |  July 24, 2008 at 6:47 am

    WAHHAHAHHAH

    TMI!!!! TMI!!!!

    hold my grape.

    😉

    Reply
  • 4. SwissTwist  |  July 24, 2008 at 6:49 am

    hahahahhahaa….

    I’m almost too scared to ask but, will you be posting that photo??

    oh.. and er… future pregnancies? something we should know???????

    Reply
  • 5. shebee  |  July 24, 2008 at 7:21 am

    Cath – nort, hey.

    Swiss – future kids as in WAAAAAAY ahead in time.

    Reply
  • 6. SwissTwist  |  July 24, 2008 at 7:40 am

    We’re all still waiting on your news… bated breath and all that. Spill dammit!

    Reply
  • 7. shebee  |  July 24, 2008 at 7:42 am

    Hehe suspence never hurt anyone, doll 😛

    Reply
  • 8. Paul  |  July 24, 2008 at 8:13 am

    curiously, the first thing that came to my mind was a toga party/orgy where people feed each other grapes.

    Reply
  • 9. Ches  |  July 24, 2008 at 8:36 am

    Oh crap, I just almost gave myself one laughing at this…

    Millicent the Grape! Ha ha ha, hilarious!

    Reply
  • 10. shebee  |  July 24, 2008 at 8:41 am

    Paul – Coming from you, I am not in the least surprised.

    Ches – LOL, imagine how I laughed last night! Real tears came down my cheeks.

    Reply
  • 11. Stef  |  July 24, 2008 at 8:45 am

    no comment 🙂

    Reply
  • 12. justBcoz  |  July 24, 2008 at 8:49 am

    I’m with Ches on this one – Millicent the Grape BWAHAHA!!

    Now, Bee … will you PLEASE spill the beans on your “big news”. I am seriously dying here!!

    Jeesh, not even Apple can create this much hype!

    Reply
  • 13. shebee  |  July 24, 2008 at 8:53 am

    Stef – okidoki 😉 Good girl!

    JBC – wahaha. I will, soon, promise.

    Reply
  • 14. charmskool  |  July 24, 2008 at 9:40 am

    Mwhahahaha I nearly fell off my chair laughing till I remembered my pregnancy………….

    Reply
  • 15. shebee  |  July 24, 2008 at 9:55 am

    Charmy – hehehe ja, i think i was lucky in not getting these. I’ve since had an email from my two best friends both confessing to experiencing Millicents.

    Reply
  • 16. shebee  |  July 24, 2008 at 10:03 am

    Chesie, do you realise that your blog link is wrong? the s and p are switched in blogspot and i get taken to a christian spammy site – is this by accident or something more sinister?

    Reply
  • 17. Ches  |  July 24, 2008 at 11:25 am

    What the hell! OMG…ha! The buggars!

    Ha ha, thought you all needed a bit of salvation!

    Spelt spot psot! And I call myself a writer…ha ha, sorry! 🙂

    Reply
  • 18. Ches  |  July 24, 2008 at 11:27 am

    Thanks SB…

    Thought I’d been hacked there! :0

    Reply
  • 19. shebee  |  July 24, 2008 at 11:28 am

    Hehehe, its okay. This Bee is on the ball, don’t you worry 😉

    Reply
  • 20. fatbastard  |  July 24, 2008 at 12:16 pm

    Millicent is nuffing, you must check out my man boobs

    Reply
  • 21. MsBehavn  |  July 24, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    Hysterical, Shee! I can’t believe that someone would get so attached to their ummm “grape” that they’d give it a name!

    And if they absolutely have to, why “Millicent”? First they named tornadoes after women and now haemorrhoids too? I’m finished!!!!

    Reply
  • 22. Vendetta  |  July 24, 2008 at 12:30 pm

    Eeek *covers eyes for fear of future photos of millicent*

    Reply
  • 23. 6000  |  July 24, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    Surely piles – even female piles – should have male names. It’s a blokey kinda disorder, ne?

    Steve the grape.

    No… RICHARD the grape! 🙂

    Reply
  • 24. shebee  |  July 24, 2008 at 12:53 pm

    Fat Bastard – oh you make me laugh!

    MsB – Hehehe, speak to Cath.

    Vendetta – hi & welcome! have added you on the thingamajig you requested.

    6k – hahahahahahahahahaha!! I shall not comment.

    Reply
  • 25. cathjenkin  |  July 24, 2008 at 1:10 pm

    @MsBehavn

    WAHA. I name EVERYTHING.

    @Vendetta

    No way. ever, not ever.

    @6K

    there are some good dicks out there, you know..
    🙂

    Reply
  • 26. amandzing  |  July 24, 2008 at 2:12 pm

    lol. i have a …no, never mind, it’s spam..

    funny article shebee 🙂

    Reply
  • 27. shebee  |  July 24, 2008 at 2:16 pm

    Tell us, amandz! Tell us! Sharing is caring 🙂

    Reply
  • 28. amandzing  |  July 25, 2008 at 4:16 am

    its a poem on a cretin thats blighting my life, and your post of a puckered anus is exactly the picture i have in mind when i look at him 😆

    Reply
  • 29. kyknoord  |  July 25, 2008 at 9:48 am

    And now you know why.

    Reply
  • 30. Millicent The Grape II « if these walls could talk v3.0  |  July 25, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    […] Millicent The Grape […]

    Reply
  • 31. angel  |  July 25, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    oh my fargin christmas tree that sounds just horrible!!!?!?!
    what about if you do it in the dark and no one can see…?

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


Feeds

Just South Africa – Photo contest

Are you a photographer? Do you think you could stand a chance of winning? Why not try your luck, you've nothing to lose! I've been asked to be one of 5 judges in Just South Africa's photography contest. I hope to see your entries there!

Sadly, I've been told money, chocolates and free internet are not allowed to affect my judging unbiased opinion. You could try anyway though... Kidding. Relax.

Be part of the SheBee FB fan page

Brick of the moment:

Please applaud:

Mark from YellowLlama who is responsible for the design of my awesome new logo, which will soon be used in a much more flattering light, on a new work-in-progress page.

Huh? What page? There is no page, nevermind. You read nothing!

Thanks again Mark :)

Win a dodgy fruit basket! [Brick of the moment]

6000 | August 28, 2008 at 12:08 pm Peel A Keys is going to struggle to score with lines like that.

Recent wall talks

RSS Blog choice of the week – I am Janel

Shit Brick Posts


springleap

Trigger happy?

Are you a photographer? Do you think you could stand a chance of winning? Why not try your luck, you've nothing to lose! I've been asked to be one of 5 judges in Just South Africa's photography contest. I hope to see your entries there!

Sadly, I've been told money, chocolates and free internet are not allowed to affect my judging unbiased opinion. You could try anyway though... Kidding. Relax.


%d bloggers like this: