Hayzooz Hernandez, I’ve decided to stop smoking!

It is one day away from payday which means that any spare cash I might have had has been spent, and after the two single cigarettes in my box, I won’t have the ability to replace this box with a new one for 36 hours. The decision hits me to stop smoking.

I’ve always battled to not smoke because they were always available. But now at work the smokers are the minority.  We are banished to an outside area where filthy cigarette stubs are the only decoration on tar and absolutely no cover from the ear screaching wind or shelter from the rain.  In my section of the floor, I have my own office, so I won’t be tempted by others.  At home, Cath smokes outside anyway, so it won’t affect me and I’ll get rid of all ashtrays and disinfect my room with her miracle Dettol solution.  I have 36 hours head start where I actually can’t smoke, and I’m so excited!

Thursday 7 / 8 / 2008

18.00pm – I say to my Flat mate Cath, “Dude – how would you handle quitting smoking right now?” “Not well at all, why?” with a somewhat cautious tone in her voice. “Well, I think I might try stopping-” I look at her for her reaction, as her facial expressions only ever tell me what’s going on internally, and she has a glint of fear in her eye. “Um, c-c-could you possibly move in with sister Cam then?” is what she came up with.

Ah, fuck! I think- is it really going to be all that bad?

20.00pm – three hours since last Nicotine Stick (hereafter referred to as NS) Twittering like mad, facebooking and chatting to mates has kept me sane when I notice my foot tapping a little too vigorously than usual. I am more than ready to enjoy my second to last smoke, ever.

23.00pm – have watched movie ‘Riding in cars with boys’ to distract me. Lovely movie, made me cry. But that could also be because I know I only have one NS left. Thoughts of desperation have kicked in:

• What will I do with my hands in the car on the way to and from Work? It’s my best time to smoke! 
• When I get annoyed, how will I calm myself down? Nothing beats a puff session when you’re annoyed. 
• Okay, like, I know my parents read this blog, but: (whispers) what can replace a post coital fag?! 
• I’m already packing on a pound or few, I don’t want to start eating everything and everyone in sight just to distract my lungs! 
• Will I cope with dealing with other people smoking?
• What if I have to surround myself with non smokers?
• Non smokers are mostly nerdy though. 
• Oh Shit! What if I have to fucking stop swearing? I can’t do this. I’m too cool to be a nerd!

 

23.01pm – I puff on my last drag. Lovingly cradling it between my lips, inhaling the tobaccowy goodness. Knowing it will be our one last love affair. As it ends, my lungs give out a sigh and we know that the cigarettes will be sorely missed.

* * * * *  

Friday 08 / 08 / 2008

It is now 09.49am and I have not had a smoke in just over ten hours, four of them I’ve been conscious enough to feel I haven’t had a smoke. I’m feeling…okayish. My tongue seems rather thick for some reason, if I were to be frank. My lungs are rather toight and breathing is sort of rapid every now and again. I find myself clenching my jaw quite a lot too, while my hands are very energetic and my foot is tap-tap-tapping away under my desk. I can feel I need a smoke, but I’m not ready to pickle my eyeballs or anything.

Lets see how this goes. Wish me luck!  I’ve decided to keep a journal on this.